Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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