.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
