the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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