I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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