dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
