he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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