Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think my moral compass just broke
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
