That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
