I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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