he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
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I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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