What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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