Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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