went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
