I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
