you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
