Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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