let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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