just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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