when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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