I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
