your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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