I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
