did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
