You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
