Please don't use social media to get back at me.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
