Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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