I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
