If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
