His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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