i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
