last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
