I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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