i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
