I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
