Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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