We're facebook friends in real life
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
PANTIES FOUND
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
