On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
sarcasm needs its own font
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
