I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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