dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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