My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
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An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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