You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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