They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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