you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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