dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
