so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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