In the future we'll all be gay
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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