another moral hangover. fuck.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
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I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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