and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
