my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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