Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
