I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
