i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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