Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
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Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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