He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This house was built for laser tag.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Randomize
