did you get engaged???
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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