my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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