I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
