TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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