You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
