if you like me you must not know who I am
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
