just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
