a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
