I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dick very happy bro
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
