Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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