so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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