Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
