NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
