looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
