He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
