peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
