does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Where did you get a picture of my penis
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
