I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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