Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
