So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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