Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
