i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style