I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
