Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
