hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag