There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
