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His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
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