I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
