Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
