Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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