fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
birth control should be required to get into college
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
