her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
